"Drag is
unnatural!"
It rarely happens that a Dutch-English lady-artist goes on tour in countries such as Australia, Korea, Austria or Poland, or that she is accompanied by famous orchestras. For the classically-trained singer Emily Barlaston it is the most natural thing on earth. So it's high time we got more closely acquainted with this elderly celebrated diva.
by Diederik Leebeek read some of Emily's reviews!
You are a classically-trained singer. I take it that you never appear in pubs?
"Mostly I do dinner parties. You'll find me between the soup and the fish. But I have also sung with orchestras like the Dutch National Philharmonic Orchestra, the Orchestra of Brabant, and the Concertgebouw Orchestra. Five years ago I played the Baroness in Leonard Bernstein's musical Candide. Great fun. I was murdered every night."
What kind of things do you have in your repertoire?
"I sing everything, singalongs from my favourite period, Word War II, songs from musicals such as The Sound of Music, opera and light opera. That's not bad for a girl with one lung, is it?"
Where's the other lung?
"Probably in a jar in a hospital somewhere."
When did you discover you could sing?
"Mother used to take me to church every Sunday. The vicar took a great interest in my voice. He heard me singing above everyone else in the congregation. One day he took me to the back of the church and showed me his organ. That was very nice."
What age were you then?
"About three, I think, that was in nineteen... ahem."
What happened after that?
"I became a Brownie in the Girl Guides. We used to light camp fires and sing all kinds of songs. So, before I knew it I was studying singing in Italy and ended up in an opera company. I was also Prima Donna with Opera Texel for a while."
Where do you come from originally?
"I was born in Stoke-on-Trent. They call that The Black Country because the hills there are very dark. Also they do a lot of interesting things in ceramics."
You sound like you come from a good family...
"The family was very rich, but the bottom fell out of the slave industry and that put an end to that."
Where do you live now?
"New Dustin. They call it New because the village is only three hundred years old, and is quite near to Old Dustin. I fly over to Holland regularly to do concerts. I love the Netherlands, you know."
Why?
"The cheese and all those dykes. Great fun!"
Do the Dutch understand the English humour in your act at all?
"Humour? What humour?"
Are you married?
"No, I haven't the time. When I retired in 1977 I had to start working again to keep me in the style to which I had become accustomed. And now I'm busier than ever. Are you married?"
No...
"On, what a pity. You're not one of these homosexuals, are you?"
Yes, I am!
"I have actually heard about that sort of thing. I used to think that homosexuals were people who liked to talk about cooking and knitting, till a young friend of mine explained it to me. In the end he had to make some drawings for me, so in the end I did understand it. Well! That sort of thing just didn't exist when I was young. In our village we only have a couple of homosexual dogs, but we just pretend that we don't see."
But don't your audiences consist of gays to a great extent?
"Well, they're very mixed. Some of them are even mixed up."
But didn't you also do your show in the Exit disco in Amsterdam, and during Gay Pride, and the Gay Games?
"Yes, that is true. On a floating stage in the Vondel Park. Do you know what 'to fondle' means in English? It's doing something to somebody else with your hands. So English people always think you spell it 'Fondle Park", ha, ha. But I'm only ever in the park during the day, so luckily I never see that sort of thing myself. If I did see it, I'd look away and pretend it wasn't happening."
Is your repertoire dependant on the type of audience or the event?
"I alway sort out my dresses beforehand. If my blue dress happens to be clean, I think, what song would fit this dress? Oh yes, a happy song. And if my red dress is clean, then I sing a melancholy song. I often think, what would Margaret Thatcher do in my position, and then it always works out fine."
What is your connection with Margaret Thatcher?
"We studied together. At least, I did."
So you both have the same political convictions?
"Er, er... Margaret Thatcher is Conservative with a big C and I am conservative with a small c. I always say to her, "Margaret, you're such a big C!" Ha, ha. But she doesn't talk to me any more. I call her Baroness, but she wants to be called Lady. But she's not a real Lady."
Are you ever nervous at all before you go on?
"It's a good thing to be a little bit nervous, otherwise you don't give of your best. If I'm too tense, then a big glass of sherry always helps. And if that doesn't work then I have another one. It keeps the throat nice and wet, darling."
How do you keep your voice and body in shape?
"I sing under the shower every day, and I watch a lot of tennis on the television. I like to keep active, you know."
Isn't it hard for an elderly lady to appear in public so often?
"It's not too bad. Usually when I'm doing my shows I distribute little song-sheets, so that everyone can sing along. At the end of the show, if I'm feeling a little tired, I just let the audience do the work."
Why do we never see you on the television?
"They never ask me. I was actually seen on televison with your former Prime Minister Ruud Lubbers. That was very nice. The Christian Democrat Party organised a congress in Enschede and I had to entertain the politicians. After my sixteenth sherry I was rather rude to him. He came up onto the stage and shook hands with me. Then I said: "You might have shaved before you came!" The audience were laughing their heads off, but Mr. Lubbers didn't think it was a nice thing to say."
What was the most special engagement you ever had in the Netherlands?
"It was a private audience at a certain palace in Apeldoorn, for a certain person, whose name I'm not at liberty to mention."
What do you think of Dutch drag queens?
"You mean men who dress up as women? It's unnatural, it says so in the Bible. In our village the police would probably arrest them, ha, ha. When I first came to Holland, I thought drag shows had something to do with drugs. So I've never been to one. I did see them on television, I wish I looked as beautiful. I'm not as young as I used to be, you know. When I get up in the morning I look in the mirror, and I would really rather go back to bed again. But that will happen to you too, darling, when you get to my age."
What age did you say you were?
"You naughty boy, I'll spank your bottom next time. A lady shouldn't mention her age, you know. By the way, what are you doing after this interview?"
Information on booking Miss Emily Barlaston, and her engagements, can be found on www.barlaston.com
