J a n u a r y 2 0 0 5
La Gioconda Restaurant, Chalkwell Park, Westcliff-on-Sea: Partake of Pizza till you Pop Festival, with a casual sing-along (feel free not to join in) accompanied by the Hum That
Wagner Fugue Octet. Miss Barlaston will be judging the Home Made Rosé Wine Competition in the newly laid garden (weather permitting)
Buro Paul Wijtvliet (option)
Romford Skating Rink and Sunflower Margarine Tublets are this year's special sponsors for the musical Vincent van Gogh with audience participation - no special musical skill needed, just sing those well-known tunes by ear
F e b r u a r y 2 0 0 5
Jaap van Zweden, conductor of the Netherlands Symphony Orchestra (known in the Lowlands as Het Orkest van Het Oosten) has invited Miss Barlaston to take part in no less that two concerts with this world-class orchestra in preparation for their tour of the British Isles
Emily will be presenting a prize to the wearer of the most original grass skirt at Tetley Tea Bags Tropical Heat Wave Party at the Winter Gardens, Berwick-upon-Tweed: please bring your own electric heater (no more than two bars, please, as power surges are expected just after the Nine O'Clock News)
Miss Barlaston will be the soprano soloist in a semi-staged performance (chorus kindly supplied by Rent-a-Rivetter) of Stop the
World I Want to Get It Off at the Docklands Orphans' Concert for Peace at London's Imperial War Museum
M a r c h 2 0 0 5
Buro Paul Wijtvliet (option in Arnhem)
After months of negotiations, and in the middle of the ninth farewell tour of her one-lady show (entitled One Lady Show) Miss Emily Barlaston has decided to make her operatic comeback in The Hague (Holland) in a very comic serious opera called L'Opera Seria. Click here for more information!
Emily will be leading the choral speaking interludes at Harringey Rheumatic Sufferers' Annual Glenfiddich Tasting and Cable Tossing Gala at Mile End Town Hall, London - because of local hygiene regulations, punters are requested not to leave any haggis or haggis product unattended
A p r i l 2 0 0 5
Emily continues in her Netherlands tour with the comic opera L'Opera Seria
At Kensington's cosy Albert Hall, Miss Barlaston will be manning the cloakroom at Hammersmith Distressed Church of England Gentlewomen's tri-annual Ball, and (in the interval) speaking about her rôle in the new Cockney musical Don't Fix It If It Ain't Broke Me Old China Lor' Luv A Duck Mate Innit
Emily will be giving some succinct hints at Bad Hair Care Day in the Vicarage Garden, St. Ives, Huntingdonshire. Don't forget your umbrella, and the nissen hut behind the Scout Hall will be available should the weather prove to be too inclement. Please bring your own sandwiches to avoid disappointment
A most challenging invitation indeed: Miss Emily Barlaston is the first British prima donna asked to sing at a Fire Station in Northern Michigan, near Mancelona, 15 south west of Gaylord - this is in the U.S.A. - in a series entitled Clean Christian Comedy
M a y 2 0 0 5
Come one, come all to Westminster for this year's special Parliamentary fundraiser: the House of Lords versus the House of Commons in the Gracie Fields Glitter Ball Look-Alike competition. Emily will be on the panel of judges with Edwina Curry, Mo Mowlam and Tony Blair
Buro Paul Wijtvliet (option in Zutphen)
Emily is very excited about her appearance for the Newomij Company at Sprokkelenburg Tennis Club in Laren - as arranged by Van Hoof & van Hoof Produkties of Eindhoven
Crochet a Lamé Cardigan Marathon at Ronnie Scott's Club with duets from Miss Emily Barlaston and her old friend Cleo Lamé
Evenementenbureau De Ceremoniemeester (an invitation)
J u n e 2 0 0 5
Miss Barlaston will be performing the taxing contralto rôle in Brahms' lovely Alto Rhapsody in the new Blackwall Tunnel Arena (please use the Lambeth Walk entrance in case of chest congestion). The chamber chorus will be provided by the runners-up in the Romford Round Robin Elvis Imitator of the Year Competition (thanks to Radio Kent)
Emily has been chosen to provide the musical illustrations for Patrick Moore's lecture recital Judy Garland and the Move towards Metrication
Mr. Paul Russell, that well-known member of the Dutch Senate (rather link the English House of Lords, except there are no Lords or Ladies in it) invited Emily to take part in a very special surprise party. Clifford Sobel, the American Ambassador, was leaving to take up a different position in the States - along with his charming wife Barbara, of course - and Emily provided the surprise entertainment. It was such a charming evening, ending with members of the Dutch Cabinet waving fireworks and singing loudly at the Hof van Amstel, Maria Henneman' s charming Equine Establishment near Amstelveen.
An option from Qbus, Apeldoorn.
J u l y 2 0 0 5
Yet again, scrumptious Hôtel de l'Europe in down-town Amsterdam has asked their favourite prima donna (retired) to entertain some guests at a very exclusive party. Emily can hardly wait!
Emily is thrilled to bits to be invited to repeat her previous Scandinavian success with her One Lady Show during the KEF 2005 Festival in Helsinki. That's in Finland, you know!
"Snooker players I have known" - the David Hockney lecture at the Victoria and Albert Museum, Kensington, with flower arrangements by your favourite prima donna
A u g u s t 2 0 0 5
Hackney Empire, London (small auditorium): Rap Music Improv to Gershwin - what would Sir Walter Scott have said? During this exciting Brains Trust you will have your chance to pop a question to Dame Delia Smith and other celebrities. (Emily has it in her diary, but can't quite remember why)
"Keep Young and Beautiful with Lemon Juice" - Emily reveals what has kept her going to members of the Women's Institute (Grand Home Counties Tour)
Opus One, the Netherlands' most famous dancical company, has invited Miss Barlaston to appear in a special performance in Amsterdam. It should be interesting, since Emily hasn't done a high kick in years. For those of you who are interested, a dancical is a mixture of musical comedy and dancing. Not many people know that.
S e p t e m b e r 2 0 0 5
Mature Brandy Tasting (that is, this course is intended for mature persons, rather than mature brandies, which, let's face it, are rather over-rated. Emily is tasting several venues, so more on that later...
Tiny Tots' Literary Festival, Carlisle Tram Shed: Emily will be presenting her thoughts on Tolstoy's War and Piece
O c t o b e r 2 0 0 5
Customize Events (invitation)
England's Only Trampolining Prima Donna (retired) has been asked to entertain during a pleasant sea-cruise just off Newcastle, outside the territorial waters of dear old England
Miss Barlaston has been invited to make a guest appearance during a very charming party at the Amsterdam branch of Sotheby's, the famous London auctioneers
N o v e m b e r 2 0 0 5
Miss Emily Barlaston kindly requests your presence at her favourite charity drive: Adopt a Cocktail Bar in Limoges
For the politically-correct male feminists among us: Emily will be chairing a discussion of the Bermondsey Plasterers' Lunchtime Literary Group of The Shorn Woman: or Baldness in Calvinistic Ladies of a Certain Age by "A Gentleman." Please do not forget to bring your own sandwiches, as omission to do so may subject certain group associates to some unpleasantnesses, as witness the serious set-to's at the Schubert Singalong Song Cycle Concert at the Lady Mayoress of Cirencester's Civic Reception last September.
Pon Holdings will be inviting Emily to entertain their key workers at Dorhout Mees Golf and Shooting Centre in Biddinghuizen
D e c e m b e r 2 0 0 5
For your Christmas entertainment: a musical extravaganza! Emily will be presenting the opening of her new recital programme, The Real Lady's Guide to the Proper Holding of a Champagne Glass Properly (with works by Bach, Bacharach and Bricusse) in the Main Auction Room at Christie's, London, before taking it on tour to the Bristol Academy, the Birmingham Academy, and Shepherd's Bush Empire. The Real Lady's Guide to the Proper Holding of a Champagne Glass Properly is, of course, the working title of the show (still in the throes of composition). It may well end up being called Bottoms Up!
And just prior to the New Year: Emily will be departing on a little tour to the Continent. The Fashion Council of Andorra will be holding a musical Champagne Reception in which Emily will present the première (for the first time) of the original version of Moses Supposes His Toeses are Roses, with accompaniment of cello and viola da scampi.
Agent Paul Wijtvliet of Arnhem has asked Miss Barlaston to take part in two very special Christmas events. How jolly!
Educational publishers Edu’Actief asked specially for Emily's presence at their big Christmas "do" at Hotel Zuiderduin in Egmond. It's by the sea, you know...
An engagment from Qbus of Apeldoorn. Apeldoorn is nowhere near the sea, although it does get rather damp in the winter!
Dial-a-Diva of Scotland offered Emily - such an honour! - the chance to take part in the world's first on-line musical marathon. What a shame that her contractual obligations made it quite, quite impossible for her to accept!
Customize Events of Breda offered Miss Barlaston a really lovely Christmas option, as did agent Jos Heijs, who is currently in Spain
Another invitation from Sotheby's of Amsterdam!
An exciting invitation to sing for an International Seminar in the ancient Roman German town of Xanten. One supposes that there aren't quite so many ancient Romans around these days...
And then of course Emily was absolutely thrilled to tiny little bits when she was asked to "hostess" a party on the top floor of the Interpolis building in Tilburg - such lovely people!
